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"If I'm talking to my best friend who's in that situation and I say, 'look, Cindy, here's everything that is going on or everything that I'm seeing. Vossenkemper suggested presenting the situation to your friend as though it's your relationship, not theirs. Better to know sooner rather than later that this may be a relationship that will not work for them." When it's a friend or family member and they can't see what's going on, but you see something that concerns you, it can be a bit of an awkward and delicate situation. "They should ask for and take more time alone and apart and see how the other handles it. "If a partner is feeling smothered or has concerns, they should address these immediately," Coleman said. "It's really, really hard to recognize in the first place and then also to remove yourself in the second place." "When you're in that situation, it so gradually shifts and there are so many great memories sort of embedded in these weird, toxic patterns, that it's really, really hard to get out of," she said. Vossenkemper said that one partner wanting to (or unintentionally) control the other's schedule and social engagements, merge finances too quickly or suggest that one partner stay home and be "taken care of" by the other partner, and other things like that, in which the one partner begins to lose their independence, can be a sign of abuse. If it seems like you, your partner, a loved one, or their partner, isn't able to move beyond that initial infatuation period, which can sometimes happen without the person even realizing it, that's when experts say things are more serious. "It's gotta have water flowing in, water flowing out that stems from friends, family being a part of that relationship." Think of a stagnant pool, it's just gonna continue to get more and more stagnant," Drenner explained. "A relationship focused on itself can't sustain itself.
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A partner may talk about their significant other to others excessively, including mention of them in every conversation, and often painting them in glowing terms."ĭrenner said that your romantic relationship can't be the only relationship in you and your partner's lives.Īt least, it can't be that way for very long.
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"Couples who are obsessed may call or text each other constantly throughout the day - definitely crossing normal boundaries and even impacting a partner's work or ability to handle their responsibilities. "Another sign is when the couple is overly focused on what their partner is doing, their schedule, or anyone they may be interacting with, often asking many questions or expressing thoughts that are driven by jealousy and insecurity," Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, told INSIDER. "The couple's usually the last ones to figure this out because it's new, it's fresh, it's exciting, it's got all those things that stimulate the reward circuits in the brain," Drenner said.Īnd while this could happen either in the beginning of a relationship or be a sign that the obsession is taking a concerning turn, knowing the ins and outs of your partner's schedule can also indicate that you're a bit fixated on your partner and your relationship.